Monday, November 17, 2008

Parenting and Work Demands

Is this society so far gone that it's hopeless? Have we abandoned our role model responsiblities for so long that we can't change? I don't think so. Each of us can change our own little world. Fathers who are honest with themselves will admit that we all make mistakes. We have all made bad decisions. Some of those decisions have to be reversed.

If you have accepted a promotion and a transfer that takes you a step up the corporate ladder at the expense of your kids, maybe you need to think about taking a step back. More important than providing a life of ease for your kids is making sure that they know you love them unconditionally.

- Mike Singletary

Notes from the Editor: I like the message about taking a step back. Long after you have passed away and left this earth, your employer will find a replacement for you... no matter how invaluable you think you may be. If you think the goal in life is to empty out that proverbial "inbox" of things to do, you're wrong. There will always be more things to do than you will ever be able to handle - that's just life. When you die, what is left behind isn't all the things at work you've left undone... it's the legacy of the relationships and the life-lessons you impart on your children and the people who love you.

When pushed to choose between love and fame or fortune, choose love and you won't go wrong. (reference: 1 Corinthians 13) The reference is a popular passage cited in many weddings, but I think it's fitting for the choices we are sometimes faced with workplace demands.

There are times that I have worked late and arrived home only to see my wife and child already fast asleep. Those moments that we regularly spend at meal-time and play-time before bed are lost. I grind my teeth thinking about the loss because there is precious little time before my child grows up and leaves our home. And what did I trade for that precious time? Extra time at work? Was it worth it? Sometimes our jobs are on the line and this sacrifice seems necessary, but often it is not. We simply choose work because we do not take the time to weigh the cost on our family life.. or we avoid asking the question altogether.

On the other hand, there was another day when I did not have to work late and was able to leave the office early. I came to my daughter's daycare school to pick her up early (my wife usually takes her home) and the look on my daughter's face when she recognized me with surprise was a priceless reminder of exactly what I lose every time I choose to work late. How could I trade that away... ever?

What about promotions or advancements up the corporate ladder? The question is: has the advancement been at the expense of one's family life? Sure, the bonuses and higher salary may provide for the family, but what good is money if the provider isn't around to enjoy it with his (or her) family? Alternatively, what good is praise and accolades at work if one does not have love at home? Money and status mean nothing when compared to love. Work may be stressful and demanding, but never hesitate to take the time to love and to cherish your family when the opportunities present themselves.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dropping the Ego

For everything, absolutely everything,
above and below, visible and invisible...
everything got started in him and
finds its purpose in him.
- Colossians 1:16 (MSG)

Just read a meaningful passage in Rick Warren's book: A Purpose Driven Life. One of the first lessons of his 40 days of Biblical devotions includes a warning to drop one's ego and leave it behind. He writes: "Contrary to what popular books, movies and seminars tell you, you won't discover your life's meaning by looking within yourself. You've probably tried that already. You didn't create yourself, so there's no way you can tell yourself what you were created for!" As the Bible passage from Colossians says in its own way: It all starts with God.

"The search for the purpose of life has puzzled people for thousands of years. That's because we typically begin at the wrong starting point - ourselves."

A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump;
a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree.
- Proverbs 11:28 (MSG)

We are reminded in the Bible that "It is God who directs the lives of his creatures; everyone's life is in his power." (Romans 12:2 NLT) With that in mind life's purpose unfolds, because (which bears repeating): It all starts with God. God is shaping us. God is guiding us. God is leading us through the trials and the discoveries of our lives. To find greater purpose and direction in life is to first turn to Him to find that meaning. And so it is with your life's purpose. To find the answers is to first approach the maker Himself. Ask God.

We aren't left alone to find this revelation of life's purpose. It is revealed in His Word, the Bible. Rick Warren calls the Bible the ultimate "Owners Manual" which "explains what no self-help or philosophy book could know." The Bible says, "God's wisdom... goes deep into the interior of his purposes... it's not the latest message but more like the oldest - what God has determined as the way to bring out His best in us." (1 Corinthians 2:7 MSG) It is in God's word that we can find access to "eternal truths" that immediately trump pop-psychology, success-motivation and even inspirational stories.

I enjoy inspirational stories as much as the next person, but I see now that it is not quite enough to build a truly strong relationship with God. The meaning and purpose of life evolves from an acknowledgment that the sum-total of the human experience here on earth is only a tiny peephole into God's plan for His creation. While we may draw strength and resolve from humanistic stories, they are only as good as our ability to relate them back to His Word (the Bible) and its lesson plan for our development.

Monday, November 10, 2008

An Age of Rage

Passage for the Day: Psalm 37:1-11

We live in an age of rage... by studying anger and its power, we can learn self-control so that we do not need to lose our temper in rage or abuse ourselves with resentment, but can defuse anger by resolving circumstances and then use the energy of anger through Christlike indignation.

The following summary, written in the form of resolutions, can form a point of departure for us as we continue with life. We should reflect prayerfully about how we can incorporate these ideals in our own lives.

  • To keep my life centered on God, as best I can, recognizing that when I do not, my natural self will generate things to become angry about;
  • To not condemn myself for feelings of anger;
  • To do everything I can to avoid acting on the basis of anger;
  • To clean up any problems I create as quickly as possible;
  • To recognize God's help in this process;
  • To redirect the energy of anger away from hurting people and toward improving conditions for people;
  • To be sensitive to injustice and evil, learning to be angry about the misery that sin inflicts on people without becoming controlled by the anger.
It has been my observation, in counseling on problems of anger control, that each person who has sought God's help in understanding and resolution of his or her anger has, without exception, received that help. These people ahve described the results as "miraculous". There is, indeed, a miracle involved. It is the miracle of God's love for us, the miracle of His redemptive grace.

- Richard P. Walters

Note from the editor: I liked verse 13 following this reading, which says: but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming... It is a nice focus of this reading to remind others that while it may seem that the wicked and evil seemingly prevail, these psalms encourage people to focus on rejoicing in good works and to "refrain from anger and turn from wrath" which only leads to more evil... evil is short-lived. God handles it in His own ways and in His own time - we must remember that in the long run, there is no place for evil and its gains are only short lived.

I liked Richard Walters' resolutions - for many of us, anger is a point of struggle and not all of us are as well advised on the Christlike solution to therapy for anger-management. I have been through therapy before, and one of the tenets to managing uncomfortable feelings and pent-up emotions is to first: recognize our emotions (such as anger) for what they are - neither elevating or putting ourselves down for having them. Then the next step is to think logically about their source... where are these emotions coming from? What problems or challenges have drawn them out into our life? It is amazing to see that Biblically (such as in today's reading), there is some deep-set wisdom towards self-therapy and healing for the wounds and burdens of negative emotions such as anger.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

From Wilderness to Mountain

Passage for the Day: 1 Kings 19: 1-9

Life is always composed of those experiences and encounters which provide both challenge to one's character and the testing of one's spirit...

To be sure, life is not only composed of experiences and encounters; it is also composed of question marks. In every life there are always questions which ought to be asked and which demand an answer. The first question of life is always: "Who am I?" and the second question is like unto it, "What am I living for?" However, when life has been lived to a level of maturity, when one's experience and encounters have led to some ups and down, some joy and some sadness... there is yet another question that every man must ask: "How did I get where I am which is so far from where I am supposed to be?" ...

[In 1 Kings 19] I see a defeated and desolate Elijah sitting under a broom tree in the solitude of his own sadness... I see an Elijah who had come to the point where he had to ask life's most difficult question: "How did I get to where I am which is so far from where I am supposed to be?"...

I may as well tell you, there are only three kinds of people in the world: those who are in the wilderness, those who have just come out of the wilderness and those who are heading into the wilderness...

In the midst of that wilderness experience, God... sent his angel to feed Elijah. "You don't have enough for your journey?"

"What journey? I'm through. I'm all washed up."
"You're not through yet, Elijah."
"I'm going to send you from where you are to where I want you to be. I'm going to send you from the molehill to the mountain... I'm going to send you from the wilderness to the mountain."

In the wilderness there is weakness, but on the mountain there is strength. In the wilderness there is loneliness, but on the mountain there is companionship. In the wilderness there is despair, but on the mountain there is hope.

- H. Beecher Hicks

editor's notes: I liked the commentary on the three types of people there are in this world. It is so true. Part of the cycle of life is the downslide into loneliness and destitution and then the emergence and survival from life's challenges. No matter what journey we're on... what pathway we've endured - God has a bigger plan for us and is taking us on that journey to where He wants us to be: THROUGH the wilderness and towards the mountains. In this passage, 1 Kings, there is some great symbolism about the wilderness as a emotionally and spiritually challenging place. Yet Elijah was not alone in the wilderness - God sent an angel to tend to Elijah in his time at the "low point" to give him strength, resolve and endurance to make it through.

Friday, September 19, 2008

The Necklace

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.

Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

'Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?'

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

'A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.'

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pi ck dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath.

Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, 'Do you love me? '

'Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite.'

'That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.' And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, 'Do you love me?'

'Daddy, you know I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.'

'That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.'

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style.

As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

'What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?'

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, 'Here, daddy; this is for you.'

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Why I Love Mom

I read this one and liked it, though mothers and women seem to have the weight and burden of conscience when it comes to caring for the family, I thought I'd pipe in that MEN as well do (and should) contribute a measure towards making the dynamics of family care a success for the both of them. For all the mothers whose routine seems to follow this anecdote, God bless you. May your partner also have a measure of conscience to contribute to making your routine a lighter burden to bear.

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches.

Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button.

She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.

She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom.

She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store.
She put both near her purse.

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." "I'm on my way," she said.

She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one still up doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack.
She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list.

She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular.
"I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...?

CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL. . . (and they can't die sooner, they still have things to do!!!!)

Share this with five phenomenal women AND men today...they'll love you for it!

Then: GO TO BED !!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Desiderata

Found this forwarded email in print-out form amidst my old files dating back to over seven years ago. It shares thoughts about the nature of work and labor as well as ponders the relevance of God, the universe and everything (quite ambitious of a passage if you ask me!) and it does so quite elegantly. Enjoy this gem of an essay and pass it on if you think it's worth sharing. I did.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant: they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit...

If you compare yourself with others, you may become bitter or vain, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career; however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time... Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is: many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune but do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be... And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann